I wish I could write more in this post, but there’s too many nosey people on the internet. :P
I think I took a positive step today, towards forgiveness..letting go.. starting new.. and finding myself again. I’ve thought so much over the last two weeks about a situation that hurt me greatly. And when I sat back, and looked at it rationally, I realised that I was just as much to blame. That there is no point going over in your head the small things and getting angry and wondering whether she lied about this or that or when it started etc etc. Because that’s the thing. It did start. and we did end. No matter when that was. Or the stuff in between and the details of it. And I can’t hate her, because how she hurt me, I know I’ve hurt people like that in the past. I’m not innocent, at all. She came into my life to teach me a lesson, and this is it. And although for a time it was incredibly hard, for us both, I know at one point we both made each other extremely happy. So i’m closing the door on that, lesson learnt, and i’m moving on. ‘Cause it’s true what they say, when one door closes another opens. Or maybe that door has always been open.. but you hadn’t noticed it yet.. you didn’t know you needed to walk through it. Until now. :]
The unexpected things, are always the best things. The feelings that appear to come from nowhere.. the way you look at someone, suddenly changing, and not remembering or knowing how you ever felt any different towards them than how you do at this very moment. “She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted, she is everything I want that I never knew I needed.” you are, incredible.
On a final note, I love my family. My oldest brother and his girlfriend made us dinner earlier - me, my mum and my other older brother. We don’t get times like that often anymore, so I really enjoyed it. We laughed loads and spoke about when we were younger, stories that proper make you cry with laughter. Makes me look forward to Christmas, for more times like that. We may be a small family, but I know we’ll always have each other no matter what.
“Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times. Once, you must fall in love with your bestfriend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve. And once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.”—(via theflightout)
I kept putting up all these walls to challenge you, and to protect myself. Everytime you’d break one down I’d put another in it’s place. Then after a bit I could peek over those walls, because I could see how much you were trying. But at some point, I think part of me jumped over and ran to you without meaning to. And at the same time, you became exhausted of trying to get to me and walked away.
I didn’t realise how much I was hurting you by keeping you out. And how much it is hurting me now. I rarely ever wish I could go back and change things. But I do now.
"Life must be lived forwards. But can only be understood backwards." I hate how true that is.
When I get in bed on my side. And I’m looking over at that empty space where you used to lay (twitching :P) asleep next to me. Sometimes I sleep on your side of the bed, just to escape that reality now &again.
“We’ll say goodbye and you’ll walk away the way you always do. Then we’ll both pretend that nothing happened and we never knew each other. Because that’s what happens. You find people, and then you lose them. And it’s those goodbyes, the ones you thought you’d never have to say that hurt the most.”—(via theflightout)